Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The keynote is to open to myself

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anais Nin)

Twice in the last week this quote has been presented to me in quite different forms.

You may recall that in February I was reflecting on what I might be avoiding. My commitment at that time was to personal confidence and active expression of my spiritual energy with the affirmation of ‘backing myself’.

Three months on and my resolve to personal confidence has been tested. My back continues to be my guide and indicator - recently throwing in for good measure an old pain pattern that had me badly locked up and walking like a scuttling crab. I ended up at the osteopath on my way down to a 5 Rhythms Heartbeat workshop. As the knots untied and the tension loosened off, we both agreed that I would be able to dance my way through the rest of the release.

Dance and draw my way through, I did indeed. Heartbeat allows for dance and reflection at the level of the heart – the emotional self. As I dance I find that I can breathe, unfold myself and open myself, easing the tension and creating space at all levels.

It was fascinating to see the Friday night drawing “Grace & Pain” with its thin lines and gnarly pain bits transform over the weekend into “Grace Moving” with its sense of gentle balance and “Deeply Rooted Lift Off” with its very strong sturdy roots holding open a space for light, love and spirit to flow and blossom with joy.

The link for me with the Anais Nin quote is that I do experience real pain when I hold myself in tight. I am of an age where being a tight ‘bud’ is no longer appropriate. The journey required is from ‘what I might be avoiding’ to realising that I am called to put my creative spiritual nature firmly in the forefront of my life: to have the creative and performing arts, especially dance, centre stage.

‘Backing myself’ means that I am at business development courses learning how to bring my creative vision into reality. ‘Backing myself’I applied, and have been accepted, for a seven day 5 Rhythms Intensive in America in August – a much looked forward to opportunity to meet Gabrielle Roth and deepen and expand my own practice.

With love and thanks for your reading. Arohanui Kerry-Ann

Kerry-Ann Stanton works as a celebrant, and is in transition toward establishing and leading “Inspirita” – a place to move and be moved.
celebrant@kerryannstanton.com www.kerryannstanton.com

Saturday, February 27, 2010

What might I be avoiding?

Where possible I stay alert to the ‘little’ signals in my life. Sometimes this means I avert trouble – other times I get to do delicious things just because I was paying attention.

At the osteopath the other day, having a very real lower back ‘compression’ released, she casually enquired if there was anything I might be avoiding? Now I am not real keen on this type of question. I don’t see myself as a committed avoider and anyway, if I knew what I was avoiding wouldn’t I be doing something about it? (Note: I do realise this is a very large presumption on my part)

I like and trust my osteopath and couldn’t very well hit her for asking such a question. Yet while I had an inkling of the need for the question I didn’t like it. I didn’t have an answer then nor do I currently have the complete answer. So I have left the question floating in the ether for consideration.

“Avoid” means to refrain or stay away from; prevent. It comes with a long and energetic list of synonyms including: abstain, dodge, hide, shrink from, sidestep, steer clear of and withdraw.

A phrase I have heard my self using over the last year as I review my direction is “I have chickened out on myself on a number of occasions in my life and I don’t want to do that this time.” Chicken out is a form of avoiding for sure and believe it or not ‘chicken out’ is a listing in the online dictionary – a verb – to back down. It too has a long and discouraging list of synonyms. The ones that resonate with me include: back down, back out, get cold feet, give up and wimp out!

Not how I would like to live my life or be described for that matter. From the synonyms I moved to the antonyms; face, meet, seek and want.

Definitely more the energy I want to be living my life from – facing into, seeking and meeting fresh challenges and wanting to be connected and of use.

In the osteopathic session what did show up was a body response to my mumbling about confidence in my self and my competence to take the rest of my life in a new direction. More recently I have experienced a strong sense that some how I box myself in, keeping my life vision too small and limiting my spiritual energy.

So rather than avoiding I am making a commitment to personal confidence and active expression of my spiritual energy. I remain unclear as to how this will fully manifest. However I am listening to my intuition, talking with other people and testing my ideas and getting to listen to myself out loud. Most importantly, my affirmation is “I back myself”.

Watch this space! Arohanui Kerry-Ann

Monday, November 30, 2009

Bag Lady: Vessel Of Value

How many bags do you have? What do you use the bags for? What do you think of bags? Have you, in fact, ever given any thought to the bags in your life? What is the purpose of the bags in your life? What is your bag of tricks?

I have bags for many aspects of my life – the pink travel suitcase (no one else wants it!), the khaki small back pack, the bag with work stuff, the journal bag(s), the shopping bags, the vacuum cleaner bags, the rubbish bags, the bag with my walking gear, swimming gear, dancing gear, the bag with the shopping bags in it, the empty bags to pick up rubbish or treasure, bags with things for the City Mission, bags to drop something off to someone, bags of clean washing, bags for dirty washing after a trip, food bags to contribute – maybe fruit for my son and lots of bags that I have bought or been given with presents inside and so on and so on!

For many years my consolation around living was that if ‘push came to shove’ I would do fine as a ‘bag lady’. That is, a woman who lived, by choice or necessity, on the street with all her belongings in her bag. One simple bag, exposed to the elements of life, homeless, possibly useless; usually an old bag (both luggage and woman). I am grateful that this is not my personal reality thus far. However, when I was asked last year to state my value as a woman I was stuck for an answer – I might as well have been a bag lady! I felt homeless, useless and quite bereft in my inability to respond.

So what is the link between Kerry-Ann as a potential bag lady and Kerry-Ann as a potential vessel of value?

I was recently on a creative process and meditation retreat. During meditation I felt compelled to give new meaning to being a bag lady – to deepen my experience of myself and my life. Concurrently, another thread of fascination for me has been the exploration of ‘waka huia’ – the beautifully carved wooden boxes used by Maori for storing precious Huia feathers – that can be regarded as ‘vessels holding valuables’ or a vessel of value. I was drawn to playing with integrating bags and waka huia as I integrated myself.

I had taken a range of material to play with during the artwork in case I didn’t want to draw or paint. Amongst this was a number of small bags, beads, embroidery threads etc.

Grabbing all the bags I set about reframing bags as vessels of value and this bag (myself) as a deep, simple and connected woman with an intrinsic value simply from being alive.

What emerged was a seven bag ‘creation’. Each bag contained an assemblage of beads or cotton or whatever – mostly drawn out and worked with intuitively. This assemblage was connected to its bag by a cord or thread and each bag was connected to the next bag similarly. It was really important to me that each bag and its contents were connected and that they fitted one inside each other. Each bag was in its own way valuable – even if I couldn’t explain why.


When I shared my completed artwork it was the innermost bag – the small, simple white bag with the beads of seed, glass, metal, bone and the floral heart button – which I responded to most. Here was the simplicity of Kerry-Ann in elemental connection with spirit, at home in peace and light. A true vessel of value symbolised by a little light bag!


Arohanui
Kerry-Ann

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Deep listening or “catching the clues”!

I have had quite a year this year – and so say all of us!

I was talking with a friend on the phone the other night and we were comparing notes on our respective years. In passing she said, “Well, for you, this year is about success of the heart.” It was a spot on observation and such a gift to hear the essence of my year described so simply.

It is a year of success of the heart: from the work my husband and I are doing together as we learn how to craft a marriage into our future, from loving and letting my son go into adulthood as he turns 21, to the questions I am raising about my ‘heart’s desires’ – particularly in the domains of relationship and work.

In the past I have run celebrant workshops on “Deep Listening – the art of client interviewing” where we have talked about how we listen to a client in such a way as to ‘get’ what they want. This involves listening to what is said and watching for all the other clues that are present – watching for the emotional congruence of body language and questioning to get clear about what they may be uncertain of. The measure of success of our deep listening is found in a ceremony that clients experience as just right for them and their guests ‘get’ that it is just right also.

My reflection here is on the deep listening that seems to be helpful when I interview myself to find out just what it is I am seeking.

Because my friend and I like and trust each other, we are able to talk and listen in a deep way, and I was ready to receive her ‘success of the heart’. As my reflections on it deepened during the day I became so excited that I had to ring her and say thanks that same night.

I have had a number of other occasions this year where people I entrust myself with have made observations that, listened and caught – usually in a split second – have been life changing. One such comment was that I appeared to be ‘over-managing’ a relationship. This was painful to catch and in the catching it was really clear that I needed to behave differently if anything was to change. I was able to hear and act on this one word, because I was ready to. The observation was truly timely.


The one I am still grappling with is the question an Australian friend raised during a regular conversation that we have. She asked, “What is happening with YOUR work?” In other words the work that is mine to be doing – not necessarily the work I am currently engaged in and paid for. It is a damn fine, stimulating and unsettling question as I do have further dreams and schemes lurking.

It is also one I don’t have a clear answer for. I am practising deep listening to myself as I allow various answers to float to the surface – do they pass the deep listening test of being worthy of follow up? I plan to talk with other possible partners in my further work and listen deeply for their interest, their reflections on the things they may have thought of that I haven’t – listening yet again for the ‘clues’ that I am on track.

Actually what I am deep listening for is the answers that must be followed up on. “Over-managing” required in the first instance a meditation where I asked for and received help with my confusion. Then I was compelled to take the further action that has indeed been part of my ‘success of the heart’ year.

One clue I had during meditation recently was that whatever my next work is I will have a team wrapped around me. This particular clue has stayed with me strongly – complete with spine tingles!

So for now I am ‘deep listening’ for those clues that get a “Yes that’s it!” or give me tingles down my spine – both indicators for me that I really need to pay attention and that my being is supported by ‘spirit’.

Whether for me or with others, the common elements of deep listening appear to be:
 Our own availability – our willingness to learn, to acknowledge the level of angst we are experiencing
 The authority or trust that we grant the speaker or writer to say something of meaning to us
 Valuing ourselves – accepting that we are worthy of deep listening on our own behalf
 The serendipity of it all
 The unseen, deeply felt role of spirit

Arohanui
Kerry-Ann

celebrant@kerryannstanton.com
www.kerryannstanton.com

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Kaleidoscopes and Mothers

I attend a local full moon gathering as I am able once a month. The month of May brought Mother’s day and the following theme for reflection: “The word "Mother" is a powerful one for us all - What is foremost in your thoughts at present? Please bring a symbol for the altar”.

My immediate response was a ‘kaleidoscope’. I loved the little toy ones we had as kids and today I have a beautiful oil filled timber kaleidoscope. I love the magic of them, the feel, and the way the colours shift, drop and form into ever changing mandala.

The ever changing happens within the confines of the container of the moving pieces of glass and oil. In the same way, I liken mothers and mothering and being a daughter to a kaleidoscope. Ideally the forms of our relationships in this way are ever changing. I have talked with my own children about not ‘labelling’ and ‘boxing me in’ any more than they can avoid. And yet the label of ‘mother’ will apply and have meaning for them also – it is the basis of our initial relationship. I am their mother AND I want the freedom, just as the kaleidoscope does, to change colour and form!

What was uppermost in my thoughts prior to my response was what is happening around me with mothers. I have a number of friends who now, more than ever, are ‘mothering’ their mothers through elderly age. My mother is not at this stage in her life yet I am more mindful of her well- being. As I age I have greater appreciation of the fullness of her living in a way I didn’t as a younger woman. The kaleidoscope turns and falls into a different place and oozes it’s way toward the next.

My daughter and her partner have just announced their engagement – great news for them and multiple kaleidoscopic moments of reflection for me. That means I am going to be a ‘mother-in-law’ with all the connotations that can go with this. The other mother-in-law and I agreed laughing over coffee that this is yet another progression in our lives as mothers - one that requires ongoing letting go of our own ‘child’ as we welcome the new ‘child’ into our family. The engagement had us as a family turning the kaleidoscope backwards, highly amused at memories from the past and the growing of these two from single to couple.

At the level of my personal being I am very mindful of being held and supported by spirit mother energy. This is a new and deepening experience for me. I feel both a letting go, of being held and a sense of personal connectedness with the great mother spirit. My colours are shifting and changing again within the kaleidoscope that is Kerry-Ann. This is not always beautiful – as the mandala shifts and changes there are periods of transition, of disunion and dissolution, moments of suspension and an unknowing of the particular form that is arriving. I have found thinking about myself – all aspects not just the mother bits – as a kaleidoscope has been helpful. It is a symbol I am continuing to play with.


As one of the women commented, we are all born of a mother and all need sufficient mothering to survive and develop. And we all need to find for ourselves symbols that enliven and sustain our living and our mothering.

How might you answer the questions:
“The word "Mother" is a powerful one for us all - What is foremost in your thoughts at present?

What symbol would you bring to the altar?


Arohanui
Kerry-Ann

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Spiritual leadership

I am struggling to write this article. Tomorrow morning I am flying to visit my brother and his family. My sister-in-law is in need of a miracle as she faces another of the cancer challenges which have come her way over the last 4 – 5 years.

I am going to give them all a hug - because it feels the only thing I can do - and remind my brother and my niece and nephews that they have a big sister and aunt in New Zealand. And anything else I might have going on for me seems … well, trivial!

That said, I have been considering the notion of spiritual leadership. And it all ends up feeling way too big.

More recently I was offered the contemplation that spiritual leadership requires and involves three key behaviours – resilience, empathy and grace. These I can relate to.

Initially I turned to the dictionary for an understanding of the concepts.

“Resilient” adj. - able to recover form and position elastically, able to withstand shock, suffering, disappointment etc.

“Empathy” noun - the power of entering into another’s personality and imaginatively experiencing his/her experiences; the power of entering into the feeling or spirit of something and so appreciating it fully (e.g. a work of art)

“Grace” noun – easy elegance in form or manner, any unassumingly attractive or pleasing personal quality; favour; kindness; pardon

From a personal perspective it would seem that spiritual leadership is as simple as living a mindful and full life, learning to weather the vagaries of living and staying as well and as connected as one can.

Simple I say, but as a group of women talking with me recently said, “we could never have imagined at 21 how our lives would unfold!” I had to agree and our laughter was tinged with a mix of many emotions.

As I travel to deliver my hugs to a family who are looking forward to getting them I shall reflect further on the simplicity of spiritual leadership.

As it is my own life that I seek to lead spiritually, for now I plan to continue my wellness plan which seems to contain the elements of resilience, empathy and grace. Namely:

h meditating regularly when it goes well and when I struggle for alignment

h exercising my body reluctantly and with relish

h listening up to people when they want to talk with me

h practising gratitude and compassion, mostly about the fullness of my life and celebrating what you have heard me call the ‘Yum/Yuck’ of life.

So it is my spirit that draws me to family tomorrow, it will be spirit that sustains me and spirit that I will offer in my time with them.

And now a plug for my new work as a programme coordinator for the YWCA’s Future Leaders programme.

Serendipity or divine intervention, has lead me to a role where I get to live ‘spiritual leadership’. Resilience, empathy, grace and much humour are required and present as I meet with and work with girls 14 – 19 years old and the wonderful women who currently are their mentors. See the link below for more information.

Future Leaders
The Future Leaders Programme provides mentoring, practical support and skills development to young women who show leadership potential. To join this inspiring programme as a Mentor see www.akywca.org.nz.

Or better still give me a call at work on 09 375 9248. I am very happy to talk with individual women and groups of women about being a mentor.

Arohanui

Kerry-Ann


Sunday, May 18, 2008

Matariki – a celebration of New Year in Aotearoa

Kia ora

Matariki is the Maori New Year (Tau Hou) – due to be celebrated in New Zealand 05 June – 05 July 2008. This time span reflects that Matariki is celebrated by different tribes at different times. For some, it is when the group of stars known as Matariki or the Pleiades is first seen in the pre-dawn sky, late in May. For others it is the full moon after it rises that is celebrated and still others centre their celebrations on the dawn of the next new moon.
Traditionally, depending on the visibility of Matariki, the coming season’s crop was thought to be determined - the brighter the stars, the warmer the season and the better the crop. Matariki was also a time for family to gather and reflect on past and future, to remember whakapapa and the legacy they left behind.

Here are two translations of the word Matariki: Mata Riki (Tiny Eyes) or Mata Ariki ( Eyes of God). Either way the eyes are thought to watch over the land and its people. During Matariki, we celebrate our unique place in the world. We give respect to the whenua (land) on which we live, and admiration to our mother earth, Papatūānuku. Throughout Matariki, we learn about those who came before us. Our history, our family, our bones. Matariki signals growth. It's a time of change. It's a time to prepare, and a time of action. During Matariki, we acknowledge what we have and what we have to give. Matariki celebrates the diversity of life. It's a celebration of culture, language, spirit and people. Matariki draws and intrigues me as an appropriate mid-winter celebration – the rising of Matariki our signal that the Celtic winter solstice is close by. It is also our time where we can prepare for spring and growth as the Northern hemisphere does during their New Year in January. It signals a time of gathering together to talk and eat, a personal time to draw into self–reflection as the days shorten.

As a place to start last year I gathered in my home with celebrant colleagues. After a shared dinner together we met in the living room with an open fire and lit candles.

I led a “Breathing to come together:”

Cosmic breathing He ha ao whanui

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am land He whenua ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am listening E whakarongo ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am river He awa ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am flowing E rere ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am kauri He kauri ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am strong E tu rangatira ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am rain He ua ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am refreshed E tu noa ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am rock He kamaka ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am centered Kua hou e te wairua
- Powell, Anne, “Firesong”, Steele Roberts Ltd 1999

As part of our sharing circle we named and celebrated people who had died and we shared aspects of ourselves that we were dying to or complete with.

We finished with a poem called Warning of Winter – Ursula Bethell (p.135, “Spirit in a Strange Land: A selection of New Zealand spiritual verse”, ed. Paul Morris, Morris, Paul, Ricketts, H & Grimshaw, M, A Godwit Book Random House Publishing 2002) before having a cup of tea and cake of course!

“Give over, now, red roses;
Summer-long you told us,
Urgently unfolding, death-sweet, life-red,
Tidings of love. All’s said. Give over.

Summer-long you placarded
Leafy shades with heart-red
Symbols. Who knew not love at first knows now,
Who had forgot has now remembered.

Let be, let be, lance-lilies,
Alert, pard-spotted, tilting
Poised anthers, flaming; have done flaming fierce;
Hard hearts were pierced long since and stricken.

Give to the blast your thorn-crowns
Roses; and now be torn down
All you ardent lilies, your high-holden crests,
Havocked and cast to rest on the clammy ground.

Alas, alas, to darkness
Descends the flowered pathway,
To solitary places, deserts, utter night;
To issue in what hidden dawn of light hereafter?

But one, in dead of night,
Divine Agape, kindles
Morning suns, new moons, lights starry trophies;
Says to the waste; rejoice, and bring forth roses;
To the ice-fields: Let here spring thick bright lilies.”

At the level of community find out what is happening in your local area – perhaps get up before dawn and witness Matariki for yourself. Other ideas include developing a recycle plan for your home or local area, plant native trees and shrubs or draw out a plan for a spring garden and start to gather the seed and seedlings. Perhaps learn the plants which you can eat and which help to heal and pass this knowledge on.
And for fun you could make and go fly a kite on the New Year!

At a personal level Matariki is a time to reflect on your own whakapapa (or story), to spend time with family, record oral histories, perhaps create something to remember those who have recently passed on. As you look to Matariki look to your future, start something new, create an image for the year ahead. When my mother turned 70 we gifted her a book of family stories, that is the stories that each of us associate with her.
Matariki is a time of giving – giving thanks for the bounty we experience, giving to those who are in need and giving the gift of something of ourselves to others.

In 2009 Matariki will be celebrated on 24 June and in 2010 on 14 June.

Arohanui Kerry-Ann
http://www.kerryannstanton.com/

Other References and Resources for this article:
Batten, Juliet, Celebrating the Southern Seasons, Tandem Press, Auckland 1995
Hakaraia, Libby, “Matariki”, Reed Publishing NZ 2004