The keynote is to open to myself

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anais Nin)

Twice in the last week this quote has been presented to me in quite different forms.

You may recall that in February I was reflecting on what I might be avoiding. My commitment at that time was to personal confidence and active expression of my spiritual energy with the affirmation of ‘backing myself’.

Three months on and my resolve to personal confidence has been tested. My back continues to be my guide and indicator - recently throwing in for good measure an old pain pattern that had me badly locked up and walking like a scuttling crab. I ended up at the osteopath on my way down to a 5 Rhythms Heartbeat workshop. As the knots untied and the tension loosened off, we both agreed that I would be able to dance my way through the rest of the release.

Dance and draw my way through, I did indeed. Heartbeat allows for dance and reflection at the level of the heart – the emotional self. As I dance I find that I can breathe, unfold myself and open myself, easing the tension and creating space at all levels.

It was fascinating to see the Friday night drawing “Grace & Pain” with its thin lines and gnarly pain bits transform over the weekend into “Grace Moving” with its sense of gentle balance and “Deeply Rooted Lift Off” with its very strong sturdy roots holding open a space for light, love and spirit to flow and blossom with joy.

The link for me with the Anais Nin quote is that I do experience real pain when I hold myself in tight. I am of an age where being a tight ‘bud’ is no longer appropriate. The journey required is from ‘what I might be avoiding’ to realising that I am called to put my creative spiritual nature firmly in the forefront of my life: to have the creative and performing arts, especially dance, centre stage.

‘Backing myself’ means that I am at business development courses learning how to bring my creative vision into reality. ‘Backing myself’I applied, and have been accepted, for a seven day 5 Rhythms Intensive in America in August – a much looked forward to opportunity to meet Gabrielle Roth and deepen and expand my own practice.

With love and thanks for your reading. Arohanui Kerry-Ann

Kerry-Ann Stanton works as a celebrant, and is in transition toward establishing and leading “Inspirita” – a place to move and be moved.
celebrant@kerryannstanton.com www.kerryannstanton.com

What might I be avoiding?

Where possible I stay alert to the ‘little’ signals in my life. Sometimes this means I avert trouble – other times I get to do delicious things just because I was paying attention.

At the osteopath the other day, having a very real lower back ‘compression’ released, she casually enquired if there was anything I might be avoiding? Now I am not real keen on this type of question. I don’t see myself as a committed avoider and anyway, if I knew what I was avoiding wouldn’t I be doing something about it? (Note: I do realise this is a very large presumption on my part)

I like and trust my osteopath and couldn’t very well hit her for asking such a question. Yet while I had an inkling of the need for the question I didn’t like it. I didn’t have an answer then nor do I currently have the complete answer. So I have left the question floating in the ether for consideration.

“Avoid” means to refrain or stay away from; prevent. It comes with a long and energetic list of synonyms including: abstain, dodge, hide, shrink from, sidestep, steer clear of and withdraw.

A phrase I have heard my self using over the last year as I review my direction is “I have chickened out on myself on a number of occasions in my life and I don’t want to do that this time.” Chicken out is a form of avoiding for sure and believe it or not ‘chicken out’ is a listing in the online dictionary – a verb – to back down. It too has a long and discouraging list of synonyms. The ones that resonate with me include: back down, back out, get cold feet, give up and wimp out!

Not how I would like to live my life or be described for that matter. From the synonyms I moved to the antonyms; face, meet, seek and want.

Definitely more the energy I want to be living my life from – facing into, seeking and meeting fresh challenges and wanting to be connected and of use.

In the osteopathic session what did show up was a body response to my mumbling about confidence in my self and my competence to take the rest of my life in a new direction. More recently I have experienced a strong sense that some how I box myself in, keeping my life vision too small and limiting my spiritual energy.

So rather than avoiding I am making a commitment to personal confidence and active expression of my spiritual energy. I remain unclear as to how this will fully manifest. However I am listening to my intuition, talking with other people and testing my ideas and getting to listen to myself out loud. Most importantly, my affirmation is “I back myself”.

Watch this space! Arohanui Kerry-Ann