Spiritual leadership

I am struggling to write this article. Tomorrow morning I am flying to visit my brother and his family. My sister-in-law is in need of a miracle as she faces another of the cancer challenges which have come her way over the last 4 – 5 years.

I am going to give them all a hug - because it feels the only thing I can do - and remind my brother and my niece and nephews that they have a big sister and aunt in New Zealand. And anything else I might have going on for me seems … well, trivial!

That said, I have been considering the notion of spiritual leadership. And it all ends up feeling way too big.

More recently I was offered the contemplation that spiritual leadership requires and involves three key behaviours – resilience, empathy and grace. These I can relate to.

Initially I turned to the dictionary for an understanding of the concepts.

“Resilient” adj. - able to recover form and position elastically, able to withstand shock, suffering, disappointment etc.

“Empathy” noun - the power of entering into another’s personality and imaginatively experiencing his/her experiences; the power of entering into the feeling or spirit of something and so appreciating it fully (e.g. a work of art)

“Grace” noun – easy elegance in form or manner, any unassumingly attractive or pleasing personal quality; favour; kindness; pardon

From a personal perspective it would seem that spiritual leadership is as simple as living a mindful and full life, learning to weather the vagaries of living and staying as well and as connected as one can.

Simple I say, but as a group of women talking with me recently said, “we could never have imagined at 21 how our lives would unfold!” I had to agree and our laughter was tinged with a mix of many emotions.

As I travel to deliver my hugs to a family who are looking forward to getting them I shall reflect further on the simplicity of spiritual leadership.

As it is my own life that I seek to lead spiritually, for now I plan to continue my wellness plan which seems to contain the elements of resilience, empathy and grace. Namely:

h meditating regularly when it goes well and when I struggle for alignment

h exercising my body reluctantly and with relish

h listening up to people when they want to talk with me

h practising gratitude and compassion, mostly about the fullness of my life and celebrating what you have heard me call the ‘Yum/Yuck’ of life.

So it is my spirit that draws me to family tomorrow, it will be spirit that sustains me and spirit that I will offer in my time with them.

And now a plug for my new work as a programme coordinator for the YWCA’s Future Leaders programme.

Serendipity or divine intervention, has lead me to a role where I get to live ‘spiritual leadership’. Resilience, empathy, grace and much humour are required and present as I meet with and work with girls 14 – 19 years old and the wonderful women who currently are their mentors. See the link below for more information.

Future Leaders
The Future Leaders Programme provides mentoring, practical support and skills development to young women who show leadership potential. To join this inspiring programme as a Mentor see www.akywca.org.nz.

Or better still give me a call at work on 09 375 9248. I am very happy to talk with individual women and groups of women about being a mentor.

Arohanui

Kerry-Ann

Matariki – a celebration of New Year in Aotearoa

Kia ora

Matariki is the Maori New Year (Tau Hou) – due to be celebrated in New Zealand 05 June – 05 July 2008. This time span reflects that Matariki is celebrated by different tribes at different times. For some, it is when the group of stars known as Matariki or the Pleiades is first seen in the pre-dawn sky, late in May. For others it is the full moon after it rises that is celebrated and still others centre their celebrations on the dawn of the next new moon.
Traditionally, depending on the visibility of Matariki, the coming season’s crop was thought to be determined - the brighter the stars, the warmer the season and the better the crop. Matariki was also a time for family to gather and reflect on past and future, to remember whakapapa and the legacy they left behind.

Here are two translations of the word Matariki: Mata Riki (Tiny Eyes) or Mata Ariki ( Eyes of God). Either way the eyes are thought to watch over the land and its people. During Matariki, we celebrate our unique place in the world. We give respect to the whenua (land) on which we live, and admiration to our mother earth, Papatūānuku. Throughout Matariki, we learn about those who came before us. Our history, our family, our bones. Matariki signals growth. It's a time of change. It's a time to prepare, and a time of action. During Matariki, we acknowledge what we have and what we have to give. Matariki celebrates the diversity of life. It's a celebration of culture, language, spirit and people. Matariki draws and intrigues me as an appropriate mid-winter celebration – the rising of Matariki our signal that the Celtic winter solstice is close by. It is also our time where we can prepare for spring and growth as the Northern hemisphere does during their New Year in January. It signals a time of gathering together to talk and eat, a personal time to draw into self–reflection as the days shorten.

As a place to start last year I gathered in my home with celebrant colleagues. After a shared dinner together we met in the living room with an open fire and lit candles.

I led a “Breathing to come together:”

Cosmic breathing He ha ao whanui

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am land He whenua ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am listening E whakarongo ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am river He awa ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am flowing E rere ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am kauri He kauri ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am strong E tu rangatira ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am rain He ua ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am refreshed E tu noa ana ahau

I breathe in Puritia te manawa
I am rock He kamaka ahau
I breathe out Tukuna te manawa
I am centered Kua hou e te wairua
- Powell, Anne, “Firesong”, Steele Roberts Ltd 1999

As part of our sharing circle we named and celebrated people who had died and we shared aspects of ourselves that we were dying to or complete with.

We finished with a poem called Warning of Winter – Ursula Bethell (p.135, “Spirit in a Strange Land: A selection of New Zealand spiritual verse”, ed. Paul Morris, Morris, Paul, Ricketts, H & Grimshaw, M, A Godwit Book Random House Publishing 2002) before having a cup of tea and cake of course!

“Give over, now, red roses;
Summer-long you told us,
Urgently unfolding, death-sweet, life-red,
Tidings of love. All’s said. Give over.

Summer-long you placarded
Leafy shades with heart-red
Symbols. Who knew not love at first knows now,
Who had forgot has now remembered.

Let be, let be, lance-lilies,
Alert, pard-spotted, tilting
Poised anthers, flaming; have done flaming fierce;
Hard hearts were pierced long since and stricken.

Give to the blast your thorn-crowns
Roses; and now be torn down
All you ardent lilies, your high-holden crests,
Havocked and cast to rest on the clammy ground.

Alas, alas, to darkness
Descends the flowered pathway,
To solitary places, deserts, utter night;
To issue in what hidden dawn of light hereafter?

But one, in dead of night,
Divine Agape, kindles
Morning suns, new moons, lights starry trophies;
Says to the waste; rejoice, and bring forth roses;
To the ice-fields: Let here spring thick bright lilies.”

At the level of community find out what is happening in your local area – perhaps get up before dawn and witness Matariki for yourself. Other ideas include developing a recycle plan for your home or local area, plant native trees and shrubs or draw out a plan for a spring garden and start to gather the seed and seedlings. Perhaps learn the plants which you can eat and which help to heal and pass this knowledge on.
And for fun you could make and go fly a kite on the New Year!

At a personal level Matariki is a time to reflect on your own whakapapa (or story), to spend time with family, record oral histories, perhaps create something to remember those who have recently passed on. As you look to Matariki look to your future, start something new, create an image for the year ahead. When my mother turned 70 we gifted her a book of family stories, that is the stories that each of us associate with her.
Matariki is a time of giving – giving thanks for the bounty we experience, giving to those who are in need and giving the gift of something of ourselves to others.

In 2009 Matariki will be celebrated on 24 June and in 2010 on 14 June.

Arohanui Kerry-Ann
http://www.kerryannstanton.com/

Other References and Resources for this article:
Batten, Juliet, Celebrating the Southern Seasons, Tandem Press, Auckland 1995
Hakaraia, Libby, “Matariki”, Reed Publishing NZ 2004

"I don't ... because"

One recent Sunday I was dancing around the Blockhouse Bay Boating Club exploring the rhythm of "flow". It was very wet outside and as I glanced down at the pile of shoes I was amazed to see a pair of jandals amidst the boots and shoes. My mind went, ‘I don't wear jandals in the rain because they flick up mud and water as I walk onto my trousers." Well really!
How the mind can go to odd places and of course the implication was how silly the jandals owners were to be wearing jandals on a day like this. This meant the observer I am was far too sensible to do something that silly.
As I returned to the dance I made a mental note to further explore what other "I don'ts" I and others might have that trip us up, perhaps prevent us fully participating in our lives and may have us sit in unnecessary judgement of others.
The very next weekend a friend announced as we were driving from west to east in Auckland to go to Parnell that she ‘didn't go the port way because she didn't feel comfortable about the lanes to use." So she would go the longer way to avoid confusion! And yes you are right we coached her, in heavy rain again, how to use the port way with much hilarity as I shared my jandals story.
What are your "I don'ts ... because"?
They are not necessarily invalid or foolish but unexamined can really remove us from living fully. The prudent ones prevent misery and mayhem - "I don't drink and drive because ..." but what about "I don't talk to people like that because ..." or "I don't go here or eat things like that because ..."
Very similar to I don't is I can't or I couldn't possibly. "I can't apply for that position because I don't have everything they are looking for." Or the heartbreaking "I can't go to heaven because I'm not good enough for God" from an elderly relative a number of years ago.
As I have commented before we all make assessments in these ways all the time. The issue is not the making of the assessments. The issue lies with not checking them out and going, "well who says so and is this still so?" This gives us the opportunity to check our assessments out and just maybe make a different choice or be very clear in our original "I don't" - so no jandals in the rain for me.
Arohanui Kerry-Ann (www.kerryannstanton.com)

PS - what I did do as a child was walk home from school on really rainy days barefoot in the overflowing gutters - such remembered bliss. So in a really heavy rain storm the other day I walked (with my walking shoes on - broken glass you understand) through flooding gutters, water gushing everywhere. Still feels good.

When there is nothing to understand, nothing to say

Since I last wrote we have had a 10 ½ month friend die and a young man, my daughter’s age, get some potentially devastating news.

Each event has challenged me. How to stay present to my friends and not be overwhelmed? What is the best way to help? How to accept that sometimes there simply is nothing to understand?

Our baby friend was seriously ill in hospital when we went away for our summer camping holiday. Prior to going camping I had been popping into the hospital as I could, just to say hello and sit with them for a while.

When I was camping, I initially struggled with being away enjoying myself while they were in Auckland experiencing a very personal sort of hell. I ended up giving myself a talking to about making sure I enjoyed the opportunity I had. All the while knowing that there was nothing I could do to help anyway. Such a feeling of helplessness though.

As I thought about it some more I decided I would at least send a daily text – just to say, “You are not forgotten”. So when I climbed the hill to change the freezer pads at the communal freezer I would also gather at the site where I could get signal – where we could all get signal actually. It was a hilarious sight to see us all there pointing our mobile phones skyward from the hill, waiting and hoping for communication release! I would briefly say what we were up to at our end – a quick chat – and then carry on into my day. The occasional return text assured me of the delight of ‘normal’ communication and of being kept in touch with.

When I returned to Auckland the visits continued and I would stay light and present during the hospital time and then cry on my way home - nothing to do, nothing to say.

My friend does beautiful drawings and it occurred to me that drawing might be one way for her to stay grounded during her experience, especially if they were in this for the long haul. I asked if she would like to do this and one day I took in several sketch books and a bunch of crayons.

It didn’t end up being a long haul – our beautiful baby friend died late January and we attended one of the most exquisite funeral ceremonies I have been to. At this time we got to say good bye to her and to honour her Mum & Dad.

We don’t expect to have to say good bye to a baby and to grieve with parents whose hopes and dreams have been so radically changed by such a loss. It was a time of deep reflection for us all – both during her illness, as we offered our prayers and meditations and readings, and at her death.

And the drawings – well I may be privileged to see them one day - or not - as the case may be. However they were begun and are being continued. As someone outside the situation I could be an observer and make a suggestion around self care, without it needing to be a magic cure.


Our other friend is an inspiring go-getter and leaves the rest of us behind with his matter-of-factness. At a much younger age than I, he is teaching me that sometimes there are no ‘reasons’, there is nothing to understand. Life just is, so just get on with it. I want to look for reasons, for understanding – because if I did, surely there would be something I could do to make it all better again!

I still don’t get the WHY of these events. I DO get that staying in touch, acknowledging what is going on rather than pretending it isn’t, staying grounded myself and present to my own living, all help.

Sometimes there is nothing to understand. There is something that can be said and done.


Arohanui Kerry-Ann (www.kerryannstanton.com)


Juxtaposed with these events were two heartening ones.

On the day I heard of our baby friend’s death I was doing a naming ceremony for a small boy the same age. As one family grieved, another family and their circle of extended family and friends, joyfully welcomed their small boy into the world and their community.

I have also been helping a friend make a scrap cot quilt for her first grandchild. I knew her daughter as a small child and looked after her with my own daughter. Making this quilt has been a form of prayer for me – keeping me in creative action and soothing my soul.

Indeed the yum/yuck of life as I call it.


After thought: Poems can offer solace. These two moved me.
God be with the mother (father) by Michael Leunig. Find it in A Common Prayer – a cartoonist talks to God, Michael Leunig, HarperCollinsReligious, 1990
A small wave for your form by Mhairi nic Neill. Find it in Life Prayers, ed. E. Roberts & E. Amidon, Harper, San Francisco, 1996