How many bags do you have? What do you use the bags for? What do you think of bags? Have you, in fact, ever given any thought to the bags in your life? What is the purpose of the bags in your life? What is your bag of tricks?
I have bags for many aspects of my life – the pink travel suitcase (no one else wants it!), the khaki small back pack, the bag with work stuff, the journal bag(s), the shopping bags, the vacuum cleaner bags, the rubbish bags, the bag with my walking gear, swimming gear, dancing gear, the bag with the shopping bags in it, the empty bags to pick up rubbish or treasure, bags with things for the City Mission, bags to drop something off to someone, bags of clean washing, bags for dirty washing after a trip, food bags to contribute – maybe fruit for my son and lots of bags that I have bought or been given with presents inside and so on and so on!
For many years my consolation around living was that if ‘push came to shove’ I would do fine as a ‘bag lady’. That is, a woman who lived, by choice or necessity, on the street with all her belongings in her bag. One simple bag, exposed to the elements of life, homeless, possibly useless; usually an old bag (both luggage and woman). I am grateful that this is not my personal reality thus far. However, when I was asked last year to state my value as a woman I was stuck for an answer – I might as well have been a bag lady! I felt homeless, useless and quite bereft in my inability to respond.
So what is the link between Kerry-Ann as a potential bag lady and Kerry-Ann as a potential vessel of value?
I was recently on a creative process and meditation retreat. During meditation I felt compelled to give new meaning to being a bag lady – to deepen my experience of myself and my life. Concurrently, another thread of fascination for me has been the exploration of ‘waka huia’ – the beautifully carved wooden boxes used by Maori for storing precious Huia feathers – that can be regarded as ‘vessels holding valuables’ or a vessel of value. I was drawn to playing with integrating bags and waka huia as I integrated myself.
I had taken a range of material to play with during the artwork in case I didn’t want to draw or paint. Amongst this was a number of small bags, beads, embroidery threads etc.
Grabbing all the bags I set about reframing bags as vessels of value and this bag (myself) as a deep, simple and connected woman with an intrinsic value simply from being alive.
What emerged was a seven bag ‘creation’. Each bag contained an assemblage of beads or cotton or whatever – mostly drawn out and worked with intuitively. This assemblage was connected to its bag by a cord or thread and each bag was connected to the next bag similarly. It was really important to me that each bag and its contents were connected and that they fitted one inside each other. Each bag was in its own way valuable – even if I couldn’t explain why.
When I shared my completed artwork it was the innermost bag – the small, simple white bag with the beads of seed, glass, metal, bone and the floral heart button – which I responded to most. Here was the simplicity of Kerry-Ann in elemental connection with spirit, at home in peace and light. A true vessel of value symbolised by a little light bag!
Arohanui
Kerry-Ann
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Deep listening or “catching the clues”!
I have had quite a year this year – and so say all of us!
I was talking with a friend on the phone the other night and we were comparing notes on our respective years. In passing she said, “Well, for you, this year is about success of the heart.” It was a spot on observation and such a gift to hear the essence of my year described so simply.
It is a year of success of the heart: from the work my husband and I are doing together as we learn how to craft a marriage into our future, from loving and letting my son go into adulthood as he turns 21, to the questions I am raising about my ‘heart’s desires’ – particularly in the domains of relationship and work.
In the past I have run celebrant workshops on “Deep Listening – the art of client interviewing” where we have talked about how we listen to a client in such a way as to ‘get’ what they want. This involves listening to what is said and watching for all the other clues that are present – watching for the emotional congruence of body language and questioning to get clear about what they may be uncertain of. The measure of success of our deep listening is found in a ceremony that clients experience as just right for them and their guests ‘get’ that it is just right also.
My reflection here is on the deep listening that seems to be helpful when I interview myself to find out just what it is I am seeking.
Because my friend and I like and trust each other, we are able to talk and listen in a deep way, and I was ready to receive her ‘success of the heart’. As my reflections on it deepened during the day I became so excited that I had to ring her and say thanks that same night.
I have had a number of other occasions this year where people I entrust myself with have made observations that, listened and caught – usually in a split second – have been life changing. One such comment was that I appeared to be ‘over-managing’ a relationship. This was painful to catch and in the catching it was really clear that I needed to behave differently if anything was to change. I was able to hear and act on this one word, because I was ready to. The observation was truly timely.
The one I am still grappling with is the question an Australian friend raised during a regular conversation that we have. She asked, “What is happening with YOUR work?” In other words the work that is mine to be doing – not necessarily the work I am currently engaged in and paid for. It is a damn fine, stimulating and unsettling question as I do have further dreams and schemes lurking.
It is also one I don’t have a clear answer for. I am practising deep listening to myself as I allow various answers to float to the surface – do they pass the deep listening test of being worthy of follow up? I plan to talk with other possible partners in my further work and listen deeply for their interest, their reflections on the things they may have thought of that I haven’t – listening yet again for the ‘clues’ that I am on track.
Actually what I am deep listening for is the answers that must be followed up on. “Over-managing” required in the first instance a meditation where I asked for and received help with my confusion. Then I was compelled to take the further action that has indeed been part of my ‘success of the heart’ year.
One clue I had during meditation recently was that whatever my next work is I will have a team wrapped around me. This particular clue has stayed with me strongly – complete with spine tingles!
So for now I am ‘deep listening’ for those clues that get a “Yes that’s it!” or give me tingles down my spine – both indicators for me that I really need to pay attention and that my being is supported by ‘spirit’.
Whether for me or with others, the common elements of deep listening appear to be:
Our own availability – our willingness to learn, to acknowledge the level of angst we are experiencing
The authority or trust that we grant the speaker or writer to say something of meaning to us
Valuing ourselves – accepting that we are worthy of deep listening on our own behalf
The serendipity of it all
The unseen, deeply felt role of spirit
Arohanui
Kerry-Ann
celebrant@kerryannstanton.com
www.kerryannstanton.com
I was talking with a friend on the phone the other night and we were comparing notes on our respective years. In passing she said, “Well, for you, this year is about success of the heart.” It was a spot on observation and such a gift to hear the essence of my year described so simply.
It is a year of success of the heart: from the work my husband and I are doing together as we learn how to craft a marriage into our future, from loving and letting my son go into adulthood as he turns 21, to the questions I am raising about my ‘heart’s desires’ – particularly in the domains of relationship and work.
In the past I have run celebrant workshops on “Deep Listening – the art of client interviewing” where we have talked about how we listen to a client in such a way as to ‘get’ what they want. This involves listening to what is said and watching for all the other clues that are present – watching for the emotional congruence of body language and questioning to get clear about what they may be uncertain of. The measure of success of our deep listening is found in a ceremony that clients experience as just right for them and their guests ‘get’ that it is just right also.
My reflection here is on the deep listening that seems to be helpful when I interview myself to find out just what it is I am seeking.
Because my friend and I like and trust each other, we are able to talk and listen in a deep way, and I was ready to receive her ‘success of the heart’. As my reflections on it deepened during the day I became so excited that I had to ring her and say thanks that same night.
I have had a number of other occasions this year where people I entrust myself with have made observations that, listened and caught – usually in a split second – have been life changing. One such comment was that I appeared to be ‘over-managing’ a relationship. This was painful to catch and in the catching it was really clear that I needed to behave differently if anything was to change. I was able to hear and act on this one word, because I was ready to. The observation was truly timely.
The one I am still grappling with is the question an Australian friend raised during a regular conversation that we have. She asked, “What is happening with YOUR work?” In other words the work that is mine to be doing – not necessarily the work I am currently engaged in and paid for. It is a damn fine, stimulating and unsettling question as I do have further dreams and schemes lurking.
It is also one I don’t have a clear answer for. I am practising deep listening to myself as I allow various answers to float to the surface – do they pass the deep listening test of being worthy of follow up? I plan to talk with other possible partners in my further work and listen deeply for their interest, their reflections on the things they may have thought of that I haven’t – listening yet again for the ‘clues’ that I am on track.
Actually what I am deep listening for is the answers that must be followed up on. “Over-managing” required in the first instance a meditation where I asked for and received help with my confusion. Then I was compelled to take the further action that has indeed been part of my ‘success of the heart’ year.
One clue I had during meditation recently was that whatever my next work is I will have a team wrapped around me. This particular clue has stayed with me strongly – complete with spine tingles!
So for now I am ‘deep listening’ for those clues that get a “Yes that’s it!” or give me tingles down my spine – both indicators for me that I really need to pay attention and that my being is supported by ‘spirit’.
Whether for me or with others, the common elements of deep listening appear to be:
Our own availability – our willingness to learn, to acknowledge the level of angst we are experiencing
The authority or trust that we grant the speaker or writer to say something of meaning to us
Valuing ourselves – accepting that we are worthy of deep listening on our own behalf
The serendipity of it all
The unseen, deeply felt role of spirit
Arohanui
Kerry-Ann
celebrant@kerryannstanton.com
www.kerryannstanton.com
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Kaleidoscopes and Mothers
I attend a local full moon gathering as I am able once a month. The month of May brought Mother’s day and the following theme for reflection: “The word "Mother" is a powerful one for us all - What is foremost in your thoughts at present? Please bring a symbol for the altar”.
My immediate response was a ‘kaleidoscope’. I loved the little toy ones we had as kids and today I have a beautiful oil filled timber kaleidoscope. I love the magic of them, the feel, and the way the colours shift, drop and form into ever changing mandala.
The ever changing happens within the confines of the container of the moving pieces of glass and oil. In the same way, I liken mothers and mothering and being a daughter to a kaleidoscope. Ideally the forms of our relationships in this way are ever changing. I have talked with my own children about not ‘labelling’ and ‘boxing me in’ any more than they can avoid. And yet the label of ‘mother’ will apply and have meaning for them also – it is the basis of our initial relationship. I am their mother AND I want the freedom, just as the kaleidoscope does, to change colour and form!
What was uppermost in my thoughts prior to my response was what is happening around me with mothers. I have a number of friends who now, more than ever, are ‘mothering’ their mothers through elderly age. My mother is not at this stage in her life yet I am more mindful of her well- being. As I age I have greater appreciation of the fullness of her living in a way I didn’t as a younger woman. The kaleidoscope turns and falls into a different place and oozes it’s way toward the next.
My daughter and her partner have just announced their engagement – great news for them and multiple kaleidoscopic moments of reflection for me. That means I am going to be a ‘mother-in-law’ with all the connotations that can go with this. The other mother-in-law and I agreed laughing over coffee that this is yet another progression in our lives as mothers - one that requires ongoing letting go of our own ‘child’ as we welcome the new ‘child’ into our family. The engagement had us as a family turning the kaleidoscope backwards, highly amused at memories from the past and the growing of these two from single to couple.
At the level of my personal being I am very mindful of being held and supported by spirit mother energy. This is a new and deepening experience for me. I feel both a letting go, of being held and a sense of personal connectedness with the great mother spirit. My colours are shifting and changing again within the kaleidoscope that is Kerry-Ann. This is not always beautiful – as the mandala shifts and changes there are periods of transition, of disunion and dissolution, moments of suspension and an unknowing of the particular form that is arriving. I have found thinking about myself – all aspects not just the mother bits – as a kaleidoscope has been helpful. It is a symbol I am continuing to play with.
As one of the women commented, we are all born of a mother and all need sufficient mothering to survive and develop. And we all need to find for ourselves symbols that enliven and sustain our living and our mothering.
How might you answer the questions:
“The word "Mother" is a powerful one for us all - What is foremost in your thoughts at present?
What symbol would you bring to the altar?
Arohanui
Kerry-Ann
My immediate response was a ‘kaleidoscope’. I loved the little toy ones we had as kids and today I have a beautiful oil filled timber kaleidoscope. I love the magic of them, the feel, and the way the colours shift, drop and form into ever changing mandala.
The ever changing happens within the confines of the container of the moving pieces of glass and oil. In the same way, I liken mothers and mothering and being a daughter to a kaleidoscope. Ideally the forms of our relationships in this way are ever changing. I have talked with my own children about not ‘labelling’ and ‘boxing me in’ any more than they can avoid. And yet the label of ‘mother’ will apply and have meaning for them also – it is the basis of our initial relationship. I am their mother AND I want the freedom, just as the kaleidoscope does, to change colour and form!
What was uppermost in my thoughts prior to my response was what is happening around me with mothers. I have a number of friends who now, more than ever, are ‘mothering’ their mothers through elderly age. My mother is not at this stage in her life yet I am more mindful of her well- being. As I age I have greater appreciation of the fullness of her living in a way I didn’t as a younger woman. The kaleidoscope turns and falls into a different place and oozes it’s way toward the next.
My daughter and her partner have just announced their engagement – great news for them and multiple kaleidoscopic moments of reflection for me. That means I am going to be a ‘mother-in-law’ with all the connotations that can go with this. The other mother-in-law and I agreed laughing over coffee that this is yet another progression in our lives as mothers - one that requires ongoing letting go of our own ‘child’ as we welcome the new ‘child’ into our family. The engagement had us as a family turning the kaleidoscope backwards, highly amused at memories from the past and the growing of these two from single to couple.
At the level of my personal being I am very mindful of being held and supported by spirit mother energy. This is a new and deepening experience for me. I feel both a letting go, of being held and a sense of personal connectedness with the great mother spirit. My colours are shifting and changing again within the kaleidoscope that is Kerry-Ann. This is not always beautiful – as the mandala shifts and changes there are periods of transition, of disunion and dissolution, moments of suspension and an unknowing of the particular form that is arriving. I have found thinking about myself – all aspects not just the mother bits – as a kaleidoscope has been helpful. It is a symbol I am continuing to play with.
As one of the women commented, we are all born of a mother and all need sufficient mothering to survive and develop. And we all need to find for ourselves symbols that enliven and sustain our living and our mothering.
How might you answer the questions:
“The word "Mother" is a powerful one for us all - What is foremost in your thoughts at present?
What symbol would you bring to the altar?
Arohanui
Kerry-Ann
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